PICU - day 9 Will my nerves last?

Of coarse they will but boy oh boy I have so much anxiety and worry right now. Emylie has had a good day. I mentioned that she responded earlier. As long as she does well they are not going to put her back on the Vec (paralytic). So she will occasionally move her arms, open her eyes, sign I love you when I tell her I love you (this time her fingers were in the right position too) and is able to breath above the vent setting and lots of other things. She now shows discomfort when they suction her mouth and nose. She tried to gently move the nurses hand away from her nose. She had so many secretions in her nose it was unbelievable. When the nurse was done suctioning her nose it sounded like Emylie had a air leak and we heard a little noise. The nurse suctioned Emylie and then called the respiratory therapist who said it could be positional. So they repositioned her and so far so good. Having a leak (air moving up past the trach) around her trach at this point would be unsafe for her. While the RT was here Emylie's vent popped off the trach. It was quickly placed back on and Emylie was fine.
With the combination of those two things my nerves are all over the place. I am worried about her moving enough to pop the vent off and the nurse not responding quickly enough. Not because I don't think she is qualified but for the times Emylie's nurse might ask another nurse to watch her while she runs to the restroom or goes to lunch. I told the nurse she can wake me up when she goes to lunch and I will keep an eye on her.
I am scared... I am going to go say a prayer now to help her and me. I think I am going to be sick.

P.S. thank you for praying for Emylie today!